when I was at my sister’s, i found a letter my Mom had written us, 14 handwritten sides about whatever random patches of her history came to mind. I wish it was 10x longer, but it’s still a real treasure. here and there are sweet bits, like, my Dad didn’t have a car for a long time, so she would ride the 30 miles to pick up him and other guys, and how she would sit on his lap the whole way home…how sometimes she would visit him at his mother’s house for a week. I remember she had told me if his sisters had a boy on the living room couch, Gramma would just toss a blanket over them, so I guess it’s not a stretch to say Mom n Dad were doin’ it before they got married, and good for them. She also hints at how she worked to get him, encouraging the other waitress at her restaurant that was seeing him to dump him, stuff like that. She was a shy bit of girl, but went after what she wanted.

And worked so goddamn hard. I think she was very lonely, and she hitched her heart to another guy who just never gave her the love she deserved, then broke her heart and married someone else. My sister knuckled down and got a job as a hairstylist, but me, I was pretty worthless, just a drain, though I know she was super proud of me. Her whole life, all she did was pull.

I don’t know that I inherited much of her incredible determination, but then again I don’t have two hungry little shits bugging me for dinners. Allergies have been hitting me hard this last week and i am about ready to just fold.

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