Archive for April, 2012
time will likely do its expected slow magic, but it hasn’t happened yet. weird, weird, week. Tuesday at the viewing, I was in host mode, greeting and chatting and all that, as best as I could. Holy shit, the girl drew like 200 guests! Wow! But damn, her face looked so dull and completely sunken, just impossible to gaze upon. Then, when I got home, i realized i was just drained, and decided, Wednesday, i was not going to front, at all. So, yeah, I was just a sulking, bug-eyed ghost for all that day, shuddering, sobbing, spazzing. lots of people over at house after, was a bit social but stared into space…a lot. Thursday we drove back by the cemetery and saw…a plot of fresh dirt, with her flowers all laid on top. It’s official, my sister is in a box, six feet under. Ugh.
She was an avid photo-grabber, and her husband Rick said there’s probably 10K digital pix of them, having fun at this or that. They really were an amazing couple, so very much in love. The worst thing about all of this is this wonderful loving kind man, having to suffer through a life missing his sweetheart. He was such a trooper getting though everything, kept up a great front, but then all of a sudden he would just seem so lost. I think of her, i feel confused, but i mostly manage. i think of him, my voice breaks and I start crying. Goddammit.
Especially because she had finally been getting better. The curve dragging her into death had been building momentum for a while, and the curve heading back up was too new and had no steam yet. A little longer and it might have grabbed the reins. Not much good to come of thinking about that now is there.
Bah. Dragged my tired ass through too many hours of flying and waiting and dropped down in Berlin Friday night. Slept some, then went to Poznan Poland to DJ, with Bhu along. Always have no expectations; room I played in wasn’t big, but crowd was hugely into it, so: good. Bhu has been craving a new handbag for a few weeks, and lots of prices there are damn cheap, and she scored, and is so happy with it. Charming lovely city, at least in the old quarter where we spent all of our time. Our host got us two nights in a big stylish apartment, so we had us a couple nights of luxury. Fine by me. Back home, ready for bed, life begins again tomorrow.
she just had too much brain damage, they decided it was a lost cause. she wanted to be an organ donor, so she’s somewhere in limbo while that process moves forward. So far, the kidneys are a match for someone, good news for them. Can’t help but wonder how trashed they are though, all the stress and gobs of meds she’s been choking through, but i guess they’ll at least be better than whatever needed replacing. Time to book my flight; services will be in Richmond Va. on Tues and Wed. Things = real.
my sister has been suffering with major health problems since forever. when she was a kid, she used to get asthma so bad it sounded like sawing wood or something, so harsh. She’s also had to deal with two separate spinal fusions, which have left her with nearly zero mobility, and a few pinched nerves that prevent any comfort whatsoever, ever. A month or two ago she had a reaction to some incense, and if her husband’s frantic scramble for the epi-pen had worked out much later, that would be one blue dead girl. and on and on.
the other day she had an asthma attack. a bad one. She got medi-vacced to a hospital and is in a coma. may not pull through. I am very conflicted; i don’t want her to go, but there is so little hope for her quality of life to ever improve, you have to wonder, what’s the point of hoping she wakes up? She has a wonderful relationship with her loving hubby; i worry more for him than her, he will be so devastated. Relative to my circle of freaks and wondergoob friends, she’s a bit ordinary, but relative to the people they hang with, she’s a unique wave of constant magic. He really delights in her, and she adores him. At the very least, for his sake, i hope she at least wakes up long enough to say goodbye. There is significant risk of brain damage from too long without breathing; it might already even be over. Waiting for news, trying not to think about it. Really hope there’s not going to be a funeral.