gonna be sitting in this chair a lot, i am once again loaded up with work. just ordered some L-Theanine yesterday; it’s supposed to make caffeine a good thing, take away the negative effects and make the good ones better. I really need to be able to regulate my energy better; i sleep so much in the daytime, then am up all night. daylight, want more of that please.

I made this page to list my skills and stuff; if any of you know anyone you can forward it to, now would be the time. Thanks.

and send a virtual hug or two our way. game of inches here, every bit.

Wrong. Fired. No warning, no notice, no chance to go away and cool down and return for second chance, not even ease out and bid farewell to the regulars over a month (though really, most of the regulars have given up on it a long time ago). FUCKING ASSHOLES. Poor thing is so totally crushed. Maybe it was time to bring things to an end, but they didn’t need to be so goddamn cruel and heartless about it. Most likely the new social-piranha manager did it to get the pants off one of the incompetent barbacks that’s been making her job a pain. Management there is becoming a bunch of political gossips, hiring cronies with zero charisma or drive.

right now, she is completely despondent. I expect she will be sleeping for several days. I am so going to miss seeing her reigning over that little bar; it’s when she was at her shining best. GODDAMMIT. No doubt, with considerable effort, we will arrange a sufficient bounce, but motherfuckers this really catches us flatfooted.

And since she’s out, i can now name the club, and say what I want: Berghain. Supposedly the best club in the world, and once I would say yes it was. But in the 3 years I’ve been going, I’ve watched the vibe there slowly go from brilliant to over, and nothing could ring the deathknell better than the loss of my gem darling. ASSHOLES, you are BEIGE!!

people, please send me some After Effects work. fucking hell I need for that phone to ring…

She was an avid photo-grabber, and her husband Rick said there’s probably 10K digital pix of them, having fun at this or that. They really were an amazing couple, so very much in love. The worst thing about all of this is this wonderful loving kind man, having to suffer through a life missing his sweetheart. He was such a trooper getting though everything, kept up a great front, but then all of a sudden he would just seem so lost. I think of her, i feel confused, but i mostly manage. i think of him, my voice breaks and I start crying. Goddammit.

Especially because she had finally been getting better. The curve dragging her into death had been building momentum for a while, and the curve heading back up was too new and had no steam yet. A little longer and it might have grabbed the reins. Not much good to come of thinking about that now is there.

Bah. Dragged my tired ass through too many hours of flying and waiting and dropped down in Berlin Friday night. Slept some, then went to Poznan Poland to DJ, with Bhu along. Always have no expectations; room I played in wasn’t big, but crowd was hugely into it, so: good. Bhu has been craving a new handbag for a few weeks, and lots of prices there are damn cheap, and she scored, and is so happy with it. Charming lovely city, at least in the old quarter where we spent all of our time. Our host got us two nights in a big stylish apartment, so we had us a couple nights of luxury. Fine by me. Back home, ready for bed, life begins again tomorrow.

Sister had said there is a large life insurance bounty to come. I don’t know the current status of that, but holy shit would that sure be a welcome counterweight to the load of crap that is her death. More news as I get any.

the other day she had an asthma attack. a bad one. She got medi-vacced to a hospital and is in a coma. may not pull through. I am very conflicted; i don’t want her to go, but there is so little hope for her quality of life to ever improve, you have to wonder, what’s the point of hoping she wakes up? She has a wonderful relationship with her loving hubby; i worry more for him than her, he will be so devastated. Relative to my circle of freaks and wondergoob friends, she’s a bit ordinary, but relative to the people they hang with, she’s a unique wave of constant magic. He really delights in her, and she adores him. At the very least, for his sake, i hope she at least wakes up long enough to say goodbye. There is significant risk of brain damage from too long without breathing; it might already even be over. Waiting for news, trying not to think about it. Really hope there’s not going to be a funeral.

Going to Poznan, Poland again in a few weeks, my first road gig since I went there a year and a half ago. No idea what it’ll be, but it’s the birthday party for a social DJ there, so maybe her friends will show up. And yeah, I’ll be gap-faced then. La.

got a nice compliment the other night; the woman whose party i am playing end of May, the one who was right in there for much of the history of techno in Berlin, told me I am the only DJ she’s heard in the last maybe 15 years who gets her to where I get her. I am trying to gently coax her into working some of her network for me, maybe even finding me a booking agent; gosh that would be swell. If I contact anyone direct, with my non-existent dancefloor pedigree, i won’t even be ignored, will just bounce right off the glass as if I didn’t exist, forever. With her word behind it, I expect someone should have the good sense to take the call. My new mix is outstanding, so hopefully that will get the chains to jingle.

Also the other week I was at Berghain, and said hi to the girlfriend of one of my favorite DJs; she introduced me to her friend, who said, oh, you’re the DJ? I have two mixes of yours, and: you are really something special. Doubly nice that she said it in front of that DJ’s babe, game of inches and all.

So, yeah, a few lights flirting on the horizon. Good thing, because I am feeling a bit despondent of late. I gotta get my creaky ass to the frisbee field already.

If anybody ever tells you, fffuck Switzerland is expensive: believe them. It’s like the whole place is airport pricing. What’s 2 here is 4 or 5 there, and that adds up out of hand fast and doesn’t slow down.

Back to the desk. Just did final edit on a 2+ hour techno mix from November, will have that up shortly, finally.

Switzerland, from what i hear it’s so OCD ordered it makes Germany look like a mess. will have to drop a gum wrapper someplace, just to be all punk and shit.