time will likely do its expected slow magic, but it hasn’t happened yet. weird, weird, week. Tuesday at the viewing, I was in host mode, greeting and chatting and all that, as best as I could. Holy shit, the girl drew like 200 guests! Wow! But damn, her face looked so dull and completely sunken, just impossible to gaze upon. Then, when I got home, i realized i was just drained, and decided, Wednesday, i was not going to front, at all. So, yeah, I was just a sulking, bug-eyed ghost for all that day, shuddering, sobbing, spazzing. lots of people over at house after, was a bit social but stared into space…a lot. Thursday we drove back by the cemetery and saw…a plot of fresh dirt, with her flowers all laid on top. It’s official, my sister is in a box, six feet under. Ugh.
She was an avid photo-grabber, and her husband Rick said there’s probably 10K digital pix of them, having fun at this or that. They really were an amazing couple, so very much in love. The worst thing about all of this is this wonderful loving kind man, having to suffer through a life missing his sweetheart. He was such a trooper getting though everything, kept up a great front, but then all of a sudden he would just seem so lost. I think of her, i feel confused, but i mostly manage. i think of him, my voice breaks and I start crying. Goddammit.
Especially because she had finally been getting better. The curve dragging her into death had been building momentum for a while, and the curve heading back up was too new and had no steam yet. A little longer and it might have grabbed the reins. Not much good to come of thinking about that now is there.
Bah. Dragged my tired ass through too many hours of flying and waiting and dropped down in Berlin Friday night. Slept some, then went to Poznan Poland to DJ, with Bhu along. Always have no expectations; room I played in wasn’t big, but crowd was hugely into it, so: good. Bhu has been craving a new handbag for a few weeks, and lots of prices there are damn cheap, and she scored, and is so happy with it. Charming lovely city, at least in the old quarter where we spent all of our time. Our host got us two nights in a big stylish apartment, so we had us a couple nights of luxury. Fine by me. Back home, ready for bed, life begins again tomorrow.
Sister had said there is a large life insurance bounty to come. I don’t know the current status of that, but holy shit would that sure be a welcome counterweight to the load of crap that is her death. More news as I get any.