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sorry, what?

have a very early very tentative offer to teach CG in northern Iraq, in some part of the well-upheavaled non-state Kurdistan. Knowing nothing else, I would say sorry, not until some rabidly singular death wish kicks in, but my contact says he has been five times, and used the word “nice” without qualification, so I guess I’ll at least listen if it is in fact proposed. thought that deserved an entry on this neglected record…

universe, you do like to tease. wish you’d just ask me out already. The other universes were just for practice, don’t be so negative. go for it, baby.

what’s that, Picard?

Shambhu and I are engaged. To the future!

the long journey of the last few months has finally output the hoped-for condensed pellet of shimmering quality. hallelujah. Have today fired off hundreds of emails, am now waiting with exquisite optimism for the fruits of it all to arrive and squish some yummy in my general direction. Say aHHHH….

It has been called to my attention that potential employers might take time out of their busy days reading other blogs to come here and look for things that might scare them, you know, general grumbling about life and the hint of a possibility that I am made of flesh and blood, and we can’t have that, so I went through and made a lot of past posts password-protected. If the handful of personal-friend visitors who still come here for my scrumptious bitchiness and joy want to know the key, drop me a note. The rest of you will have to go troll my facebook page for your schadenfreude needs. You know that’s kind of weird, right? Just saying.

Protected: slow miracles

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Protected: that good old wire

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Die Amsel again!

the wonderful little MrBlackbirdSings that is just everything, so love to hear them here. found this fine recording on youtube, take it and loop it and just laugh and marvel at what can live in a tiny brain. or whatever drives these magics.

I am going to see about working some samples out of this. slowing/pitching them down will be artifact-y, but worth a shot. neighbor is going away a bit and said i could use his monitors there; Liquid Sky has two compilations due soon and i missed the last one. but first, job/money part. hurry up!

also, SUMMER IS HERE. a week ago there was still snow around, today I could wear shorts.


finally finished typing my 100 or so hand-scrawled pages of notes, during which process I realized the futility of not having the app in question open while sifting through the tutorial video. Couple few euros at the wood cutting platz in the hardware store, few sanded edges and some screw action, and now i have my laptop on a shelf over my mouse, so the tutorial videos are on the right at eye level, and the actual app is open full screen on the main monitor.

told you it was sexy.

have been struggling the last few days to put together a bunch of old and new ideas for a new portfolio piece. of course the final result was about 4 pages of dense type, which is sort of good but also sort of fuckall too goddamn much. but part of the process was lining up a do-list of remaining issues to master, so now I’m doing that.

slight problem with the Gulf Stream this spring here: it’s snagged hard somewhere out in an ocean full of melted freshwater ice. Whoopsie. Sure do hope we get a summer here! Fine if it doesn’t reach its usual 85˚ of OMG hate my life swelter, but I really am counting on a bit of spring this month.

got a real DJ booking, though it isn’t until July 8th. The lil Monday night gig I screwed up hard a couple of years ago, I bugged him to give me another chance, then bugged him several more times until finally he went oh fucking why not. One of the guys that played before me that first night is opening berghain this weekend, so even though my path isn’t ever going to go into that exact valley, it’s still a bit encouraging.

Protected: nine steps back

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aggravating, but telling

been dutifully type type typing away at all these notes documents from the tutorial videos. I have one control folder with aliases to all the docs. Absent-mindedly, i duplicated one of the aliases, re-titled it, opened the doc, deleted all the info, et la.

Woke up in bed this morning and said oh no i didn’t.

“Luckily”, i hadn’t taken out the trash yet, so down in the bottom of nasty i found my 6 pages of scribble, waiting to be re-typed.

The notes were for Nuke, a compositing program, which work I am only approaching because I think there’s more of it. The app I replaced it with is Modo, a sleek hotrod modeling app i would much rather be spending my time in. Hmmmm, what does it mean?

complex curvature

it is warm enough out there to play frisbee. that’s good enough news, I will just stop right there.


four years ago today I slid past customs like it wasn’t there and strolled out into Berlin.


Protected: indigenous gelatin

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Protected: ever was

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Protected: bureaucracy horror

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Protected: ya, innit?

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Protected: zatchoo?

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Protected: gawd

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Protected: piss, off.

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wasn’t encouraged by soundcheck, but I bit my tongue. Holy fucking shit, the show was solid. She is really, really something. She knocked tears out of my eyes like somebody smacked me on the back of the head, and drove surges of confusion through my arms and legs, moiré pattern goosebumps rippling. there was probably microscopic fusion and/or lightning happening. Visceral. 100.0 percent, hell the fuck yes. Report ends here.

it’s her night!

poor Bhu, she’s been sideswiped several times this week, top off that tank of blues nice and square for her show tonight. But, in typical form, she’s rallying strong, and is ready to step into her best world. we are so broke it’s a joke, but hey reality i know you gotta crush on me, don’t front.

about an hour from now it’s gonna get big in that club.


they’re heeeere!

put a ribbon on it, some heels, stand her on the curb wavin…

my first batch of paintings in…holy shit…nearly four years is finished, and online!


and yes, they are very much for sale. ffffuck are they ever, we are ready to deal! ample parking, free playpit for the kiddees, we’ll even walk your dog! and yes that means something dirty.

Protected: squishy! then dry…

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Protected: go to form

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(really?) pronounced like esht, but the sh is further back, closer to where you make a K sound.

huh. so that’s 3 weeks of class done? what a thing!! If I really focus in class, i get maybe 90% of the teacher’s chatter, though if I’m not really paying attention, i don’t hear a single clear syllable. Today I had to give a little talk about Manhattan/NYC, just to practice speaking, and the teacher told me I was talking too fast! A good sign. Since I first started learning, whatever words I know come pretty fluidly, and my pronunciation is generally pretty solid. Words you don’t know though, just forget it. Most German words are built out of too few roots, with the whole array of prefixes stuck on, and very often the meanings are super specific. Um- means over or around, -bringen means to bring…umbringen means to kill. jerks. But I’ve finally managed a decent mental chart of the various cases: “the” can be der, die, das, den, dem, or des…and almost any other word used before a noun has to have an ending to match. And if you don’t know the gender of the word, just forget it. But in most situations, you can just mumble a vague d– something and it’ll be ok.

I get home afterwards, have some food, and pass the fuck out. My head is just so saturated.

Machen wir weiter!! (we go through/forward: we continue)

our little packet of life was getting closer to the spinning sharp things; in Germany you only have to be one day late on rent twice a year, and we goofed once already, so wondering where September rent was coming from had a special charm. Just got a nice $2,500 job from a client in NYC, due Wednesday, gonna be a nice thick hustle between now and then. The pretty red balloon is back up in the breezes! Waft you!

going to go get some materials to knock out a quick extension for my desk so i can work standing. It’s been found that sitting too much is a major health risk, so I’m eager to get my butt pointed at the wall, not the floor.


found a good school about 10+ minutes walk, signed up for 8 weeks of A2 level course. It’s not a guarantee that the visa meeting whenever will go well, so best to play it safe. Starts August 6 I think? School is much spiffier than the other I went to check. Sat in on an hour of class to check out the teacher and also let her evaluate my level. Win: she’s a cute lil stylish Asian woman, with a little flip of bob of hair usually over one eye. Big smile, really bright, very enthusiastic, and if I have to be stuck in a classroom for 7 months, she won’t make it any worse. Good level of students too, all motivated. Oh my, this is a big change.

marathoned 3 years of taxes last night. got it all about done, a few more things to double check.

Protected: learn, bitch

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oh and here we are again at those bare beginnings of whichever future will come.

we had a visitor tonight, a bright woman who used to handle a lot of the bookings for the resident DJs at berghain. she quit not long after Bhu was canned; she’d been struggling with increasing institutional incompetence for too long, and it was only getting worse, so she walked. Good for her, but yet another beacon to those still watching of how merrily and mindlessly the place is dancing toward the drain.

she was here to discuss options for Bhu’s musical future, and had some good ideas, and especially, seemed willing to get involved and throw some effort at it. she seems very competent, though her field of influence is mainly DJs, so there isn’t much overlap, but at least she’s a player, who wants to help.

and she also said she’d check out my mixes and stuff. her agency is small and she’s not looking to add anyone else just now, but hey, if she likes what she hears, maybe she’ll put in a word for me with somebody else. fuck, would be great. I had that booking end of May, and nothing else since…and nothing showing up on any radar, anywhere. well, fuck.

here at the barest beginning of hopefully something coming to be.

Protected: oh gawd

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wet up

there is a little closet to the left of the kitchen sink, with a sunny window to the courtyard. the ceiling clears my head by a few inches. it used to hold a bunch of dusty neglected boxes up to near waist height, but in a fit of motivation a few months ago, we got it cleaned out. I got the silly idea it would make a nice mini-painting studio, but no more had been done. The other side of it is the neighbor’s shower, ie water pipes, so I am wary of drilling any holes; it’s plaster, so i can’t exactly be popping pushpins into it any time I want.

Well, I solved it. Get a piece of chipboard, paint it white, and screw it in by the corners, far from any pipes, with a little shelf across the bottom, and a bigger shelf at right. I bought some little pieces of plywood a few months back, and am thinking I can duct-tape a scrap of wood on the back to use as a handle, with a loop of wire for hanging.

I have fallen into a pattern of waking up in the early morning hours, head spinning. So, head, if you must, then let’s think some shit out. I’m about 25€ away from a new functionality. Finest.

Making good progress on the music video; finally got the motion all blocked out, now just have to do the actual creativity part, micro-managing all the colors and flutter.

A buddy bought a little painting from me yesterday, just $200, but that’s enough to buy us a little freezer, about 65 liters. 16 gallon jugs’ worth of freezie seems like a good spend to me. I used to keep my freezer in Baltimore jammed up tight, damn convenient, and a good buffer for those days when the money doesn’t return my calls. I like having a big bag of brown rice available at all times. Peas, brussel sprouts, spinach, soups…and ice cream.

Finally put up two broad shelves next to Bhu’s work area in the living room. They are her new DJ center, holding her huge collection of CDs. She’s a damn good DJ, selection and flow wise, and if I can just get her to fall off her thumb and sort out a good sequence for a demo mix, wouldn’t at all be surprised if she starts getting way more bar gigs than me.

Herr Lehrer!

taught the first of 3 sessions of my After Effects class at Games Academy last week, got another one coming up Thursday. Good kids, very interested and motivated, unlike the usual lumps I got at my other schools. Used to go through the first class, everybody good, right, off we go, then the next week realize we have to do it alllll over again, and usually the third week was more of the same, made it pretty hard to stick to the schedule which was already crammed in deep. At this school, I get only 3 8-hour days, which is SO not enough, but it is what it is. Looks nice on my linkedin page to say Instructor, Games Academy Berlin.

Time to fall off my thumb and get started on that music video. My big push for video contacts resulted in 3 fellow droids saying hey let’s get a beer, which I need to follow up on, but other than that it’s summertime doldrums, so, tis the season to make the most of the downtime.

Bhu did her first day at a new job last week. She isn’t expected to get a lot of regular shifts until maybe September, which isn’t quite the answer she was hoping for, but management was super happy, said even for a slow night the receipts were high: people like her, and came back and bought. Go Her! She has two other possibilities at other clubs, just got to get her to the interview. She got her last big check from the losers, so we are afloat for a month or so, a nice bit of ease…while it lasts. She loves to sew, does all her clothes, and one of her machines, an “overlock” type (trims and finishes edges) is pretty tired, so I am trying to drag her to a shop to buy a better one for herself. I hope to pay her back for it when I am paid from GA, we’ll see if there’s something she can use.

Big meeting with visa office will be coming up sometime in August, so it is time to start that scramble. Main thing is to get my taxes together, which is currently all potential. I should have enough income for this year to date; that and a letter from Bhu saying I live with her and we manage together, maybe it will be enough. Then, I should get another 2 years. Just gotta make a big neat folder of numbers for Accountant Man.

Shit, it’s mid June and I’ve only played frisbee once. Unasseptabow.


Bhu’s Amsterdam show really needed to be a big win. It wasn’t. Her good friend who was doing a lot of the organizing nearly died from meningitis last month, and has been way out of commission, and the guys on whose heads the job fell just didn’t get the memo. Her slot got pushed this way and that, and eventually ended up after 3am, at which time most of the guests were done, and the few that were there were all at another band, with nobody announcing hey go give this other band a chance. What she did get though, is seeing herself rise the fuck up anyway, and hit her notes with all her power and heart, and the 50 or 60 people lucky enough to attend the royal fucking audience got a show to remember. Still proud of her, but it just drives home the point of how bad she needs real professional management. She has something very special, and she really deserves to be out there giving it her all, pouring it on from deep, for real crowds.

There were some seriously overkill robotics things, wild fire and steel things, like I used to see at Burning Man. In fact one of the popular artists there brought his latest HUGE iteration of his one-liner idea, a rotating wheel of sculptures of frames of an animation, sync’ed to a strobe light, which I had previously seen in carousel form. Now, it’s an upright wheel (cf: Ferris), with skeletons poling their way across some unseen mudbog. Stunning, MASSIVE. Other stuff was outrageously complex, but less overwhelming, like this crazy dragon with flexing tail, wings, and head, which sputtered and clattered back and forth, looking like a bunch of spazzy hydraulics and not much else. Hey, whatever keeps the needle out of your arm.

Me, my contribution, after the first night’s running down of every question/issue for Bhu, was mostly limited to swollen eyes, bricked sinuses, and asthma, all from whichever local dust/pollen/fucker that hit my buttons. Luckily, i thought of putting a wet sock over my nose and mouth, so was able to at least get some sleep. Asthma? I’ve never even had that before! Ffffffuck!

We stayed in the biggest wagenburg I have ever seen. Vaagen vaat? There is a thing here called a circus wagon. I suppose its original purpose was in fact as part of a circus, but I think it’s become something more. Two axles, but at the far ends of the trailer, rather than under the center. Often, a raised center strip in the roof with skylights down the sides. When you get a bunch of them, and whichever other camping trailers, found-wood shacks, and some handy robust hippie-punks together on a piece of land, you have the outdoor form of a squat: wagenburg. There’s one in Berlin I’ve been to that’s not a whole lot more than an artsy slum, but some of the people at ADM really have skills, and a hell of a work ethic. I bet there are 200 wagons at this place!! This, maybe, appears to be the view from above (use the satellite version), so feel free to count them yourselves. Wild to be in the presence of productive people again, after the casual fuckoff stasis that seems to be the norm in Berlin.

anyway, i have so been craving my bed since hours.

Protected: finer grit

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one fine and charming tractor

when I was at my sister’s, i found a letter my Mom had written us, 14 handwritten sides about whatever random patches of her history came to mind. I wish it was 10x longer, but it’s still a real treasure. here and there are sweet bits, like, my Dad didn’t have a car for a long time, so she would ride the 30 miles to pick up him and other guys, and how she would sit on his lap the whole way home…how sometimes she would visit him at his mother’s house for a week. I remember she had told me if his sisters had a boy on the living room couch, Gramma would just toss a blanket over them, so I guess it’s not a stretch to say Mom n Dad were doin’ it before they got married, and good for them. She also hints at how she worked to get him, encouraging the other waitress at her restaurant that was seeing him to dump him, stuff like that. She was a shy bit of girl, but went after what she wanted.

And worked so goddamn hard. I think she was very lonely, and she hitched her heart to another guy who just never gave her the love she deserved, then broke her heart and married someone else. My sister knuckled down and got a job as a hairstylist, but me, I was pretty worthless, just a drain, though I know she was super proud of me. Her whole life, all she did was pull.

I don’t know that I inherited much of her incredible determination, but then again I don’t have two hungry little shits bugging me for dinners. Allergies have been hitting me hard this last week and i am about ready to just fold.

Protected: meh.

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spark it up.

have a maybe nice gig this weekend. was originally scheduled for a large room in the city, was psyched about that, but has moved well outside the ring (the loop of train the surrounds Berlin), to a much much smaller room. I play 7-8am on the techno floor, then again 9-10 chillout in the open air floor outside. It’s a birthday party for a woman who used to run several techno clubs here for like 15 years, and she’s my new biggest fan, so it means a lot to be invited. I’m guessing the crowd will be her friends who are all long-time veterans of the techno scene, so it will a privilege to get at them with my best.

off to a picnic or two today, so far the weather seems pretty mellow for the day. bringing a frisbee…

in a week and a half, we train it to Amsterdam. Bhu’s band is playing at Robodock, a long-running festival of haywire robotics and industrial castoff mega-re-glomitizing. They play right after the main act on opening night. Can’t wait to see her rule that crowd.

Protected: that was that

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a couple small jobs have dropped in the last two days, one other that might end up being around a grand (though for wayyyyy too much work), and last night a cousin i haven’t seen in decades expressed some interest in my art, and seems committed to picking up about 2G of work, and already sent me $500! fuck yes, we are in the game again!

gonna be sitting in this chair a lot, i am once again loaded up with work. just ordered some L-Theanine yesterday; it’s supposed to make caffeine a good thing, take away the negative effects and make the good ones better. I really need to be able to regulate my energy better; i sleep so much in the daytime, then am up all night. daylight, want more of that please.

Protected: that slow part before the bounce

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Protected: extra shock

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time will likely do its expected slow magic, but it hasn’t happened yet. weird, weird, week. Tuesday at the viewing, I was in host mode, greeting and chatting and all that, as best as I could. Holy shit, the girl drew like 200 guests! Wow! But damn, her face looked so dull and completely sunken, just impossible to gaze upon. Then, when I got home, i realized i was just drained, and decided, Wednesday, i was not going to front, at all. So, yeah, I was just a sulking, bug-eyed ghost for all that day, shuddering, sobbing, spazzing. lots of people over at house after, was a bit social but stared into space…a lot. Thursday we drove back by the cemetery and saw…a plot of fresh dirt, with her flowers all laid on top. It’s official, my sister is in a box, six feet under. Ugh.

She was an avid photo-grabber, and her husband Rick said there’s probably 10K digital pix of them, having fun at this or that. They really were an amazing couple, so very much in love. The worst thing about all of this is this wonderful loving kind man, having to suffer through a life missing his sweetheart. He was such a trooper getting though everything, kept up a great front, but then all of a sudden he would just seem so lost. I think of her, i feel confused, but i mostly manage. i think of him, my voice breaks and I start crying. Goddammit.

Especially because she had finally been getting better. The curve dragging her into death had been building momentum for a while, and the curve heading back up was too new and had no steam yet. A little longer and it might have grabbed the reins. Not much good to come of thinking about that now is there.

Bah. Dragged my tired ass through too many hours of flying and waiting and dropped down in Berlin Friday night. Slept some, then went to Poznan Poland to DJ, with Bhu along. Always have no expectations; room I played in wasn’t big, but crowd was hugely into it, so: good. Bhu has been craving a new handbag for a few weeks, and lots of prices there are damn cheap, and she scored, and is so happy with it. Charming lovely city, at least in the old quarter where we spent all of our time. Our host got us two nights in a big stylish apartment, so we had us a couple nights of luxury. Fine by me. Back home, ready for bed, life begins again tomorrow.


she just had too much brain damage, they decided it was a lost cause. she wanted to be an organ donor, so she’s somewhere in limbo while that process moves forward. So far, the kidneys are a match for someone, good news for them. Can’t help but wonder how trashed they are though, all the stress and gobs of meds she’s been choking through, but i guess they’ll at least be better than whatever needed replacing. Time to book my flight; services will be in Richmond Va. on Tues and Wed. Things = real.

oh shit.

my sister has been suffering with major health problems since forever. when she was a kid, she used to get asthma so bad it sounded like sawing wood or something, so harsh. She’s also had to deal with two separate spinal fusions, which have left her with nearly zero mobility, and a few pinched nerves that prevent any comfort whatsoever, ever. A month or two ago she had a reaction to some incense, and if her husband’s frantic scramble for the epi-pen had worked out much later, that would be one blue dead girl. and on and on.

the other day she had an asthma attack. a bad one. She got medi-vacced to a hospital and is in a coma. may not pull through. I am very conflicted; i don’t want her to go, but there is so little hope for her quality of life to ever improve, you have to wonder, what’s the point of hoping she wakes up? She has a wonderful relationship with her loving hubby; i worry more for him than her, he will be so devastated. Relative to my circle of freaks and wondergoob friends, she’s a bit ordinary, but relative to the people they hang with, she’s a unique wave of constant magic. He really delights in her, and she adores him. At the very least, for his sake, i hope she at least wakes up long enough to say goodbye. There is significant risk of brain damage from too long without breathing; it might already even be over. Waiting for news, trying not to think about it. Really hope there’s not going to be a funeral.

who me?

looks like I’ll be front-toothless for the next few weeks; dentist moved the process along to the next part, which included grinding the remainder into nothing, then trying to glue a temp crown in place. First attempt didn’t work, so he tried attaching it to the teeth on either side. Yeah no, that lasted about three bites. So, grin you bastard.

Going to Poznan, Poland again in a few weeks, my first road gig since I went there a year and a half ago. No idea what it’ll be, but it’s the birthday party for a social DJ there, so maybe her friends will show up. And yeah, I’ll be gap-faced then. La.

got a nice compliment the other night; the woman whose party i am playing end of May, the one who was right in there for much of the history of techno in Berlin, told me I am the only DJ she’s heard in the last maybe 15 years who gets her to where I get her. I am trying to gently coax her into working some of her network for me, maybe even finding me a booking agent; gosh that would be swell. If I contact anyone direct, with my non-existent dancefloor pedigree, i won’t even be ignored, will just bounce right off the glass as if I didn’t exist, forever. With her word behind it, I expect someone should have the good sense to take the call. My new mix is outstanding, so hopefully that will get the chains to jingle.

Also the other week I was at Berghain, and said hi to the girlfriend of one of my favorite DJs; she introduced me to her friend, who said, oh, you’re the DJ? I have two mixes of yours, and: you are really something special. Doubly nice that she said it in front of that DJ’s babe, game of inches and all.

So, yeah, a few lights flirting on the horizon. Good thing, because I am feeling a bit despondent of late. I gotta get my creaky ass to the frisbee field already.

missing zero

i had secret doubts about this number 2,000, floated re: this past weekend’s party in Switzy. Yeah, maybe the whole club held that, if it was full. it wasn’t. Maybe 200 or so passed through the dancefloor during Bhu’s set Saturday, but they were on the wander. A core of people stayed for most of it, which was surprising, because they mostly just seemed like ditzy give-a-fuck drinkies looking for a feel from anybody at all, but they managed to cheer and whoop and all. I dashed up onstage for backing vox to one song, and surprised everyone with a quick burst of rockabilly-flare goofyfootin, which was cute and all but…try to enunciate your steady baritone when you just knocked the breath out your chest. Oh, pacing, got it. Main thing, Bhu kicked major ass; and, the band gelled together, they got paid, we got out.

If anybody ever tells you, fffuck Switzerland is expensive: believe them. It’s like the whole place is airport pricing. What’s 2 here is 4 or 5 there, and that adds up out of hand fast and doesn’t slow down.

Back to the desk. Just did final edit on a 2+ hour techno mix from November, will have that up shortly, finally.


in a few hours, we are airborne to Swizzyland. hope we can work in some time to take a funicular train up some steep hunk of snowy rock, go get our panorama on. Mainly can’t wait to see my girl hittin it in front of a crowd that’s Just Her Size. Really hope the band is thinking about what they showed of themselves Tuesday, and are all ready to push the button.

Switzerland, from what i hear it’s so OCD ordered it makes Germany look like a mess. will have to drop a gum wrapper someplace, just to be all punk and shit.

She. Fucking. Rocked IT

being the sensitive person she is, it would be very easy for her to get sucked into the emotional vacuum of the chemistry-challenged vibe of her band. She rose above it. Way above it. Fucking hell, when she hits the gas, the motor is happy to be that motor. All the guys got to see what the game is really about: you wanna be in a band with this wild force, then that’s the level you oughta be playing at, not dinking around with jockeying with each other. NEXT!


the creeping crud has finally subsided/mostly fucked the hell off, so am mad busy trying to look busy again. Tonight 28, Bhu’s band is playing, should get a hundred or maybe 2, then I DJ after, start gentle and haunting then gradually try to turn the party on. In full pit crew mode, trying to keep it all on the rails and moving towards the goal. Friday we go to Geneva Switzerland, where they headline before supposedly 2,000: THIS I so wanna see. then we buzz down to Zurich for a couple of days and come back on Monday. Switzerland huh, sounds fine by me! There’s still very impacted tension gunking up the vibe of the band, mainly in the person of the absolutely brilliant guitarist; fingers extra crossed that he’ll have a good enough time playing there that he is inspired to sort out his priorities in a way that puts valuing the vibe of the band high enough up.

Got a nice note from my sister tonight, so very not, that the shop where a lot of my stuff is stored had some water damage. No idea what is affected. All the paintings I saved are there. Great. Also, she’s going to be fixing that place up soon, so needs it emptied out, and doesn’t have room in her house for my stuff, so can I please make some arrangements? And come and deal with it? Goddammit. I don’t have the time and omfg certainly not the money, and I *REALLY* don’t want to set foot in the US anytime soon. Plus, my MD license is expired, leaving me rather paralyzed. But, there’s acceptance, and everything else. One way or another, i guess there’s a big chapter coming down the river. Really sucks. Whatev.

First time i played at our new location, a friend came with two women. One of them was super supportive of my set, thumbs up over and over, big smiles. Turns out she used to run a series of excellent techno clubs here since the early days, and has pretty much seen and heard the best of them. It seems she is a big fan of my mixing. Coming from the average dancer/guest, that’s a fine and welcome thing, but coming to it with a history like that, damn, that leaves a mark, innit? She is planning a 50th birthday party end of May, and I am invited to play. Everybody else on the bill is a who’s-who of early underground Berlin techno, very choice. Yep, them and one rising star. This is the sort of news I like, indeed.

just sick.

since weeks. met a friend and his 2 year old, and I joked before, just you watch, this little petri dish is going to infect us…and guess what followed. been sleeping 20 hours a day too much. finally went to doctor and got antibiotics, which I just fucking hate to do, but there’s a damn limit.

had a great set last Saturday, though i was barely in my body at all. limped home and practically fell asleep on living room floor.

ugh. goddammit.

have a ton of work all of a sudden, but last weekend was starting to feel sick. Against Bhu’s firm advice, i thought I would work late Sunday, and get to a good place on one job, thinking then I could sleep in, knowing I wouldn’t have any news from US until around 3pm. Bad move. Have been so goddamn sick all week, raging cough, 24 hours of fever (including stupid stupid over and over banal dreams, here cough for this board in the pile, now cough to make sure that one is at the right angle…for 24 fucking hours.). Even better, the anticipated pressure to finish on all three main jobs never materialized; one hasn’t even been heard from, and the other gave me an extra week, so it was all for nothing. Grrrrr. But I’m almost back. Healthy days, I always take them for granted, forget just how easy it is to burn off a sheaf of them.